When sleeping rough, we were near the bottom of the totem pole
December 29th, 2011 § Leave a Comment
I wanted to write a few things about my experience of sleeping out. I was surprised and not so surprised at what I learnt. Yes, lots of people sleeping rough were drunk and/or high. Yes, they were dirty. Yes, they wanted money or food. But that’s not surprising. What surprised me was the community that existed with the rough sleepers we met. There was almost an imperceptible sense of respect; they knew each other struggles, each persons ‘spot’ (each rough sleeper will have a spot that they sleep in, to sleep in someones elses spot is considered disrespectful) some even watched out for one another. But, it must be said that this was only for the drinkers. You see, they have a caste system. Those have been sleeping rough the longest are higher up the caste, people new to the streets are near the bottom and those who use drugs are considered the lowest. As one man put it;
they’ll do anything to you (to get drugs) at least the drunks just want to have a good time.
The people we met talked a lot about having their friends nearby, not wanting to be alone, even if those friends reminded you, in unpleasant manner, that you were raped by your father.
On Christmas eve I was reminded of some of the reasons people become homeless, what saddens and interests me is people will tell me, typically inside of 5 minutes, their deepest darkest past experiences; my husband beat me, that last time he broke my back, or, he wouldn’t stop raping me. For some, it seems, it’s their way of saying why they are homeless for others, sadly, it seems they want you to know they are damaged in some way, that you can reject them earlier rather than later. I guess it’s self-defence.
One night is nothing, I know that. But, I am angrier than ever and I hope that the experience of one night keeps me angry for a very long time.
